Captain Spaulding on Skull Island

Are You Famous, Yet? Podcast

February 8th, 2016

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The wonderful people at the wonderful “Are You Famous, Yet?” podcast were wonderful enough to have me on as a guest.

You can listen to me talk about my writing career and a bunch of other stuff.

You can find the podcast here.

Check it out!

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Books For Sale

February 7th, 2016

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Did you know I have books for sale at Amazon.com?

 

VELVET WHISPERS IN THE CROSSFIRE NIGHT

Men and women. Love and betrayal. Lies and promises. Laughter and tears. When men and women meet, revelation can’t be far behind. And when they go their separate ways, catastrophe is close-at-hand. Sometimes dark, sometimes funny, sometimes indescribable – five stories about men and women by award-winning author John Weagly.

Contents include: Shark Infested Pudding, The Prophecies of Marnie Koob, All for the Love of Outlaw Ladies, Wishing on Whores and Portrait of a Call Girl Outside Wrigley Field.

Three of the stories in this collection were previously published as the e-book “A Bucket of Boobs.”

 

TEN TENTACLES

A friendly monster found in a dark alley. A tavern that exists between the planes of reality. A tentacle under a boardwalk. These are but a few of the oddities you’ll find in this collection of stories, plays and poetry by Derringer Award winning author John Weagly.

Contents Include: Detours on the Road to the Squid Circus, In the Garden Apartment of Madness, Down There, A Trip to Water and Sand, Armageddon Mackerel, Trick or Treating in a Sunken City, Squiggle, The Unspeakable Speakeasy, Tentacle Legs, Intelligent Ooze at the End of the World and A Little Wiggle.

Watch yourself when you go outside, it’s raining squid.

 

TINY FLIGHTS OF FANTASY

13 short and very short plays by John Weagly.

Rock ‘n’ Roll music that opens a rift in time and space.  A weird roadhouse down on the bayou.  An evil cosmic deity running for Alderman of the 14th Ward.  Shakespeare, sea monsters, spacemen, fishmongers and a bit of voodoo.

These are just a few of the subjects covered in this collection of plays about things that don’t happen, but probably should.

 

Buy them today.

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It’s January 31st – You all know what that means!

It’s National Gorilla Suit Day!!!

To commemorate this special holiday, I’ve written a short play.

Enjoy!

(This piece debuted at Dandelion Theatre’s THE MAKE READY on August 11, 2015)

GORILLAS IN THE DRIZZLE by John Weagly

(Lights up.
PETUNIA works at her desk. The desk next to her is empty. After a moment, ALISON enters and sits at the empty desk.)

PETUNIA
Is it still raining out?

ALISON
A little bit. Drizzling.

PETUNIA
I wish it would stop.

ALISON
Me, too.

PETUNIA
I suppose it’s good for the flowers. Or the grass. Or something.

ALISON
I suppose. (Pause.) I saw a gorilla.

PETUNIA
Just now?

ALISON
Yeah. While I was at lunch.

PETUNIA
Did you go to the zoo?

ALISON
No.

PETUNIA
Where were you?

ALISON
Just out and about.

PETUNIA
You must’ve been somewhere where they have gorillas.

ALISON
No. Just out. And about. In the rain. The gorilla was right outside.

PETUNIA
Outside of our building?

ALISON
Yes.

PETUNIA
What was the gorilla doing?

ALISON
Selling tacos. It had a cart it was pushing around.

PETUNIA
Did you buy one?

ALISON
I bought three. I was hungry.

PETUNIA
You bought three tacos from a gorilla.

ALISON
They were delicious.

(PETUNIA thinks for a moment.)

PETUNIA
It must’ve been some kind of promotion.

ALISON
What do you mean?

PETUNIA
Some kind of promotion to boost taco sales. They put a guy in a gorilla suit and see if he can sell more tacos than a guy who’s not in a gorilla suit.

ALISON
You think it was a guy in a gorilla suit?

PETUNIA
It had to be.

ALISON
That’s a little insulting.

PETUNIA
I’m sorry. It’s just that…

ALISON
You think I’m that much of a dum-dum?

PETUNIA
No! Of course not! But, where gorillas are concerned you’ve been known to…

ALISON
I think I can tell the difference between a guy in a gorilla suit and an actual gorilla.

PETUNIA
You think so?

ALISON
I know so.

(PETUNIA thinks for a moment.)

PETUNIA
How did you pay for the tacos?

ALISON
Cash.

PETUNIA
So you think an actual gorilla understands finance and money and currency? That a gorilla can make change?

ALISON
Sure! I mean, they learn sign language. I’m sure you can train one to make change from a twenty.

(PETUNIA thinks for a moment.)

PETUNIA
The gorilla made the tacos?

ALISON
Yep. It had the shells and the cheese and the lettuce and the beef and the tomatoes. It put them together right there in front of me.

PETUNIA
In broad daylight. On a city street. In front of our building.

ALISON
Right.

PETUNIA
You think the health department gave a food license to a gorilla?

ALISON
I’d be surprised if any of those food carts have the proper paperwork.

(PETUNIA thinks for a moment.)

PETUNIA
How much would you say the gorilla weighed?

ALISON
I don’t know – 160, 175.

PETUNIA
The average weight for a gorilla is in the neighborhood of 484 pounds.

ALISON
You’re thinking of male mountain gorillas. Western lowland female gorillas average around 158 pounds.

PETUNIA
Really?

ALISON
Give or take a pound or two.

(PETUNIA thinks for a moment. She tries to come up with another argument, but can’t.)

PETUNIA
Did he…

ALISON
Yes?

PETUNIA
What if…

ALISON
What if what?

PETUNIA
Was there…

ALISON
Use your words.

PETUNIA
I give up. I guess you really did see a real gorilla.

ALISON
And bought three tacos from it.

PETUNIA
And bought three tacos from it.

(They get to work. After a moment, a person in a gorilla suit enters.)

GORILLA
Can I use your bathroom?

(PETUNIA and ALISON both point at the bathroom.)

PETUNIA
I wish it would stop raining.

ALISON
Drizzling.

PETUNIA
I suppose it’s good for the flowers. Or the grass.

ALISON
Or something.

(Lights down.)

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R.I.P. David Bowie

January 11th, 2016

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I doubt there’s any living artist in any medium that hasn’t been influenced by David Bowie (whether they know it or not).

For myself, on a Sunday night in August of 2009 I watched and episode of MAD MEN followed by Nicolas Roeg’s 1976 film THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH, which starred David Bowie.  Later that night, with these two viewings swirling around in my head, I wrote my short play “A Spaceman Rides An Elevator in an Office Building.”  This short script, which I was extremely proud of, became the centerpiece for an evening of my short plays called TALES OF THE TWINKLING TWILIGHT (produced by Raven Theatre in Chicago in 2012).

I doubt that short script would’ve been written if I wasn’t a David Bowie fan.

Rest in Peace.

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The Devil’s Garden

January 7th, 2016

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I always wanted to write a Devil at the Crossroads story – so I wrote one.

It’s called “The Devil’s Garden.”

It’s a Whispering Gulch story and I’ve been lucky enough to have it published in the Texas Gardener Newsletter SEEDS.

You can read it here.

Want to read more about Whispering Gulch?

Check out “The Devil’s Kiss” at THE OTHER OTTER.

And “The Woman Who Waltzed With Ulysses S. Grant” at SPELK.

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A new Whispering Gulch story!

My western story “The Woman Who Waltzed With Ulysses S. Grant” is available today at the wonderful flash fiction web-zine SPELK.

Check it out!

Want to read more about Whispering Gulch?

Check out “The Devil’s Kiss” at THE OTHER OTTER.

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Knife Fight on Christmas Avenue

December 21st, 2015

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My short story “Knife Fight on Christmas Avenue” is available today at the terrific web-zine SHOTGUN HONEY.

A very wise man gave me the best compliment in the world when he said my title sounded like a Tom Waits song.

So here’s a Tom Waits Christmas song.

Today’s the day!

In honor of THE FORCE AWAKENS opening, here’s a short STAR WARS themed monologue I wrote for a theater in London.

Yoda Tries to Ride a Rollercoaster

by John Weagly

(Lights up.
An amusement park. YODA reaches the front of the line for the Screaming Bantha rollercoaster. The amusement park attendant stops him.)

YODA

Board this Screaming Bantha rollercoaster I wish to do. The Tatooine Tumbler have I ridden. And the Womp Rat Wipeout. And the Besbin Bumper Boats. Now steep drops and loop-de-loops do I desire.

Tall enough I am not?

How tall does one have to be? Forty-eight inches?

Height! What is height? Inches not make one tall.

In line for forty-five minutes I have stood and you tell me tall enough I am not?

Nine-hundred years old am I.

Spoken at the Galactic Senate I have.

Lifted x-wing fighters from gluttonous bogs I have.

Helped defeat the malevolent Empire I have.

And tell me I’m not tall enough to ride the Screaming Bantha rollercoaster you do?

Very un-Jedi this is, but into a Sarlacc Pit go jump.

(YODA storms off in a huff.
Lights down.)

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Five-Play Day

December 11th, 2015

I have FIVE plays taking place tonight across these continental United States – a personal record for me!

7:30 – “Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Christmas Goose”
Raven Theatre – 6157 N. Clark
Chicago, IL

8:00 – “Raccoon Pants” part of THE FIVE MINUTE MILE: THEATRE ON THE RUN
Cone Man Running Productions at Queensbury Theatre – 12777 Queensbury Lane
Houston, TX

7:30 – “A Pigman Walks Among Us” part of POP UP THEATER 2015: FREAK SHOW
Panglossian Productions at the Williamsburg Library – 515 Scotland Street
Williamsburg, VA

8:00 – “Azzmetta Abbington’s Mistletoe Meatballs” and “Syphilis Steve and the Christmas Miracle” are both part of A VERY SPECIAL THEATREGASM CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
Theatredart at Cottonwood Center for the Arts – 427 E. Colorado Avenue
Colorado Springs, CO

If you’re near any of these places – go see a show!
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Free Syphilis Tonight!

December 8th, 2015

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My short holiday play “Syphilis Steve and the Christmas Miracle” will be part of Dandelion Theatre’s THE MAKE READY reading series.

And it’s FREE!

Tuesday 12/8 at 7:00.

At The Galway Arms – 2442 N. Clark

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