Captain Spaulding on Skull Island

Today’s the day!

In honor of THE FORCE AWAKENS opening, here’s a short STAR WARS themed monologue I wrote for a theater in London.

Yoda Tries to Ride a Rollercoaster

by John Weagly

(Lights up.
An amusement park. YODA reaches the front of the line for the Screaming Bantha rollercoaster. The amusement park attendant stops him.)

YODA

Board this Screaming Bantha rollercoaster I wish to do. The Tatooine Tumbler have I ridden. And the Womp Rat Wipeout. And the Besbin Bumper Boats. Now steep drops and loop-de-loops do I desire.

Tall enough I am not?

How tall does one have to be? Forty-eight inches?

Height! What is height? Inches not make one tall.

In line for forty-five minutes I have stood and you tell me tall enough I am not?

Nine-hundred years old am I.

Spoken at the Galactic Senate I have.

Lifted x-wing fighters from gluttonous bogs I have.

Helped defeat the malevolent Empire I have.

And tell me I’m not tall enough to ride the Screaming Bantha rollercoaster you do?

Very un-Jedi this is, but into a Sarlacc Pit go jump.

(YODA storms off in a huff.
Lights down.)

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